Ectopic

 June was quite the month and I can't think of any word better to describe it than that. It means in an abnormal place or position. Physically I definitely felt this way. It was really bizarre. almost an out of body experience. But it was definitely a life changing month. I'm writing this about two months after the fact but I just want to preface this by saying that I really do feel blessed after all of this was said and done. And for a more personal account, you future generations can read my journal.

But here's the condensed and less personal version. :) If you read my previous email you know that we were in the middle of waiting. waiting and waiting to find out if I was pregnant. I kept myself busy taking the kids to the art museum.

 Crazy hair day at Vacation Bible School.

 and buying a house. Yep you read that right. Nate and I bought our first house!!! We are so happy about it. It's going to be a great place to raise and grow our family. We look forward to many happy years here, full of laughter, fun, music, singing and lots of parties. It's so nice to be in a home that I'm supremely proud of and We can't wait to make it our own.

 Our realtor was magnificent and we can't imagine someone better to help us through this process.

 Of course we had to get in a few trips to the commuter lot before we got rid of that part of our life. Hopefully someday we will be able to do it again. We'll miss it for sure. Dance party on the table there. :)

 At the museum of fine arts houston, they had this great exhibit called shadow monsters.. it basically turns your shadow into something crazy constantly. Everytime you move it changes a little bit and turns you into a little bit of a different monster. It was really fun. My kids spent lots of time there.

Back to the dramatic story. On day 35, I finally got the guts up to take a pregnancy test. We waited probably a good 30 seconds. looked at it and there was only one line. Nate and I did it together. I was scared. I hate pregnancy tests so much. I'd much rather have the doctor's office call me. We spend time talking about it. Mourning the loss of no pregnancy... again. and that may seem silly, but anyone who has dealt with infertility knows what that feels like. It is a grief that is severe and oppressive and can ultimately destroy your heart... especially when it happens ... e.v.e.r.y. month. This time I was mostly confused because it meant my body didn't respond to the trigger shot. I was so frustrated. I figured I'd call my fertility doc once they opened and find out what they wanted to do next. I go to throw away the test - it's been about 8 minutes now and this is what I see.

 The line was definitely there. but I had been on such a roller coaster that morning that I wasn't sure what to believe. I decided to go in for a blood test with my doctor and sure enough! She called later, I was pregnant!! I couldn't believe it. I totally didn't expect it to work the first time and I was so grateful. I was so excited to be pregnant again. I wanted to relish in every moment. I called my Mom and told her. My doctor wanted me to come back to make sure my levels were growing appropriately. Here I am. Probably the only busy place at 7:30 on a Sunday morning.. :)

 And sure enough they were growing!! I called my Mom to celebrate and then I went to church. This was our last Sunday here. It was definitely a bittersweet day. There are a lot of people there that we loved. and we will miss them dearly. But I knew that we were making the right move for our family. I love this picture a lot. but it's hard for me to look at this picture because this is the only Sunday I was pregnant. That afternoon we told the kids. I took a video of it and everything and it is adorable. I assure you. but I may have to delete it to calm my sanity. I also called my immediate family to tell them. They were all thrilled.

But that following Tuesday, everything started to go wrong. I had a sudden sharp pain in my lower abdominal. I went to the bathroom and had lots of bowel movements and figured I was just having some intense gas pains. Everyone had a blast swimming in the pouring rain and I had a blast watching. I'll miss these moments at this place.

 That night I watched a movie with Nate and as we were going to bed, I had my first showing of blood. I started crying right on the spot. I knew something was wrong. I had plans to leave the next day to go visit my family and wasn't sure if this was going to be a problem. A lot went into the decision but I ultimately decided to go. Nate and I have a sort of inside joke... that I think this is a sombrero and he thinks it looks like a bowling alley. It's just such a different and homey feeling landscape for me that I just had to take a picture. I did not feel well at all that day or the next.

 I only spotted over the next few days but when I woke up Friday morning I had a extremely heavy bleed. multiple clots and a lot of blood. I just sobbed. My worst fears coming true. Just awful. We had plans to go to a movie that morning but opted for the children's museum instead. I'm happy I went. It helped keep my mind off my condition. I felt much better that day. More like myself than I had all week.

 Grandpa completely dominated in pinochle.... How he does that when he can't even remember the rules half the time, I'll never know.

 Sunday morning. I woke up in a lot of pain. Especially on one side. Long story short. I went to the ER they did lots of tests and found signs of an ectopic. This is me - post surgery.. I look way more put together than I felt.

 They made me wear these cool leg warmers circa 1980.. okay they are like giant blood pressure cuffs for my legs but they are way more comfortable than the ones I wore post Jeff. :)

 My SIL Carly sent me updates all day assuring me that the kids were enjoying every minute with their uncles. Jeff played eenie meenie miney moe... and then decided on Devin regardless of how it worked out. He was also on cloud 9 seeing as how he got to wear his favorite uncle's shirt to bed because we forgot his pjs. These are now his favorite pjs.

 And it wouldn't be fun visiting uncle Jared without a game of 'limp body!'

I've already commented about this on other social media sources but I'm so grateful for how this all happened. It happened in quite possibly the best possible scenario imaginable. God was watching out for me despite the trial. HE is good. I know that more now than I have ever believed before. I have faith that there was a reason for this.

After a few days of recovery I finally felt up to being a Mom again. So I got out my pinterest board and finally picked something that I could do with them.

 Jeff wanted his moondough to be black and was extremely disappointed when it ended up being gray.. but I think he got over it. It has such a cool texture, but it's basically colored bisquick. :)

 The outpouring of love I received from family and loved ones following this small trial was unbelievable. People come out of the woodwork and really support you. I couldn't believe it. Really. This is just one sample of many. I'm so grateful for good family and friends who love me for me.

 I recovered by eating coconut cake from eunice polatis. And a lot of it. I had to fight for it though at this house. It was so good.

 I took the kids to the splash pad. Aria is and will always be my climber. I'm still not sure how she got up there.

 We went to lowe's for their build and grow.

 Jeff was a little excited that it was a motorcycle AND captain america. Seriously can you imagine anything better?

 Chelsea was such a good sport trying to do both children under 4 by herself and a pregnant belly.

 Since Nate was away from me I took a lot of pictures of myself to send to him. Here I am on the way to the temple.

 And here I am coming out. It is really and truly a beautiful place to be. On this occasion I got to go with all of my siblings. It was really something special and I'm grateful I had the opportunity to be there with them.

Thor came to visit.

 I think. Now if only he could actually grow a stache like that...

 Duck Duck Goose is the most amazing game. How is it still fun? :) jk. so great. my kids have the best aunts and uncles.

I promise that I will give you all the nitty gritty details of the best trip after, when Nate finally reunites with me. but I think this is a big enough pill to swallow. :)