Many of you know about my ectopic pregnancy. If you haven't, you can read about it here...
Many of you also know via our Christmas card (which I sent out right after Thanksgiving) that we spent most of this year seeking fertility treatments.
When we went back to try again with my fertility specialist, after my ectopic pregnancy, he suggested that we do it again! Heck, it kinda worked the first time. Why not again? This was in late August.
So I took the medications, my body didn't respond, we upped the dosage and tried again.... my body didn't respond.
I heard this crazy infertility story from my visiting teacher (who still has no idea about my infertility issues) where fasting became a huge solution for her. And not just fasting, but group fasting. I thought, why not? I might as well try it.
Keep in mind I have fasted about this undoubtedly hundreds of times over the course of the past 10 years. But rarely have I asked anyone else to fast on my behalf. So Nate and I and my parents all fasted together - a special fast. I was about to start a new cycle. My fertility doctor wanted to try the same method again. I had little hope but fasted that I would understand God's timing.
This time around I couldn't believe it!! My body responded... to the lower dosage and on the desirable ovary. (remember I only have one functioning tube at this point...) I felt like this alone was an answer to my prayer. Maybe God was listening and aware. Although I had made a promise to him when I first wanted for Aria about my faith in Him, it was starting to wane. Pushed to its limits you might say. I told God right then and there that no matter what happened. I knew he was there. I knew he cared for my family and that maybe, just maybe, it was time or maybe it wasn't... But he was aware.
What I think most people don't understand about infertility is that every thing you do is an act of faith. There are many things that facilitate these feelings but this is just a small example: I've been taking prenatal vitamins the whole time, 5 years, just in case it happens. You don't think you think about the fact that you're not pregnant every time you put that in your mouth?
Anyway, one thing we can count on is Nate's sperm count. We proceeded with one trigger injection followed by an IUI. We hoped for the best but I honestly felt like my prayer had been acknowledged, regardless of the outcome. and I told God so.
What's been one constant through this whole thing is my closest companion and best friend. He has been a rock and a backbone for me at times when I felt like collapsing. I'd like to think that I've been there for him at times too. I feel so lucky to have him. I just can't believe it. really. This really has been the most interesting year for us.
Everything went smoothly with the IUI. So as it is with infertility... we waited to see if it worked..
At the end of October, my period was late! could it be? Took a test... not pregnant. Period came the next day. It came when Nate and I were on our getaway to Orlando. Although this was disheartening to hear, this was seriously one of the best trips of my life. I was unrestrained in my riding of roller coasters and although this was a really stressful time for Nate, it was healing for me and somewhat of a reset. I couldn't believe how much I still loved my man.
Adored him. and we felt like nothing had ever changed. I did a lot of soul searching on this trip and found that I just wanted to trust in God's timing and that we would take a break for the holidays and then maybe reassess in the new year. (Fertility treatments are stressful, expensive, extremely time consuming, and I was considering switching doctors...)
On December 10, I went and played tennis again for the first time since breaking my arm. It was wonderful to get out and play again. I missed it a ton. I definitely was a little rusty, but there's only one way out of rock bottom and that's up! :) On the way home I stopped up and picked up some citrus from my friend's yard. I picked a kumquat right off the tree and ate it. yum. but this time... I thought I was going to throw it up on the spot. weird. and every day through the weekend I started feeling nauseous whenever my tummy was empty. The first few days I shrugged it off but then I told myself that if it persisted I would take a pregnancy test. I hid this from Nate in hopes that he wouldn't overreact and make me test before I was ready, but Monday morning came and I was still nauseous so I took a test.
A plus sign.
Really? No iffy plus sign.... It showed up right away. I was shocked.
I made cinnamon rolls that morning trying to think of a fun way that I could tell Nate. I had never surprised him with the previous pregnancies because in the past he had been the one basically handing me the test. We have and always will do things together as a team. But especially when you're doing fertility treatments, everyone and their dog knows when your cycle is due. So this was a real treat...I went to his office at about lunch time with the cinnamon buns wrapped up all cute, with a little writing on the box. It said...
"These aren't the only buns cooking in my oven."
He didn't get it at first. This may tell you too much about our intimacy but he thought it was some sort of innuendo...;) I said "read it again". He hesitated. He looked down at my tummy and said "This oven???" I think he was afraid to believe it. I was shaking with anxiety. I couldn't believe it either. I pulled out the urine test to show him. We hugged. He cried. We prayed. I still can't believe it.
I called the ob/gyn to find out that their only available time in my window of availability before I left town for Christmas was that afternoon. I rushed back to my doctor's office where they did a precursory ultrasound to find out for sure if the baby was in the uterus. It was! It was there! barely big enough to see a small bean shape. (It's the little dot in the black oval) I was about a week behind what my period said, but that was to be expected considering my irregular periods... I was 5 weeks 5 days... right about the time that I start feeling sick.
We can't believe this little miracle. Goes to show that God's timing trumps all. I have been so humbled by this whole Christmas season. I've never been so grateful. We told the kids and my parents by quickly ordering a bunch of baby stuff... Baby lips, sugar babies, baby Ruth, bringing up baby, baby sitters club book and a picture from my ultrasound. They were all shocked. As my mom is my best friend... She's just as aware of my cycle as I am...;) so it was fun to surprise her too.
Every child that we have has been conceived like this. After lots of trying, medications, methods and the baby decides to make its appearance when we're taking a break or just given up ourselves to God.
Here it is at 10 weeks.
To put it shortly we are thrilled. I spotted a little early on so we were cautious about a lot of things. But I've been extremely nauseous. Every night my mantra has been, I prayed and longed for this. You can do anything for 9 months. One thing I am proud of is how little weight I've gained. Eating high protein and lots of fruit and vegetables first has helped a ton... Even if I do wash that down with a spoonful of peanut butter or a cheese quesadilla.
The kids are so thrilled. They were hesitant at first but they've definitely been asking me about it often. I'm so grateful for them and that I get to share this new journey with them. With all of them.
Many of you also know via our Christmas card (which I sent out right after Thanksgiving) that we spent most of this year seeking fertility treatments.
When we went back to try again with my fertility specialist, after my ectopic pregnancy, he suggested that we do it again! Heck, it kinda worked the first time. Why not again? This was in late August.
So I took the medications, my body didn't respond, we upped the dosage and tried again.... my body didn't respond.
I heard this crazy infertility story from my visiting teacher (who still has no idea about my infertility issues) where fasting became a huge solution for her. And not just fasting, but group fasting. I thought, why not? I might as well try it.
Keep in mind I have fasted about this undoubtedly hundreds of times over the course of the past 10 years. But rarely have I asked anyone else to fast on my behalf. So Nate and I and my parents all fasted together - a special fast. I was about to start a new cycle. My fertility doctor wanted to try the same method again. I had little hope but fasted that I would understand God's timing.
This time around I couldn't believe it!! My body responded... to the lower dosage and on the desirable ovary. (remember I only have one functioning tube at this point...) I felt like this alone was an answer to my prayer. Maybe God was listening and aware. Although I had made a promise to him when I first wanted for Aria about my faith in Him, it was starting to wane. Pushed to its limits you might say. I told God right then and there that no matter what happened. I knew he was there. I knew he cared for my family and that maybe, just maybe, it was time or maybe it wasn't... But he was aware.
What I think most people don't understand about infertility is that every thing you do is an act of faith. There are many things that facilitate these feelings but this is just a small example: I've been taking prenatal vitamins the whole time, 5 years, just in case it happens. You don't think you think about the fact that you're not pregnant every time you put that in your mouth?
Anyway, one thing we can count on is Nate's sperm count. We proceeded with one trigger injection followed by an IUI. We hoped for the best but I honestly felt like my prayer had been acknowledged, regardless of the outcome. and I told God so.
What's been one constant through this whole thing is my closest companion and best friend. He has been a rock and a backbone for me at times when I felt like collapsing. I'd like to think that I've been there for him at times too. I feel so lucky to have him. I just can't believe it. really. This really has been the most interesting year for us.
Everything went smoothly with the IUI. So as it is with infertility... we waited to see if it worked..
At the end of October, my period was late! could it be? Took a test... not pregnant. Period came the next day. It came when Nate and I were on our getaway to Orlando. Although this was disheartening to hear, this was seriously one of the best trips of my life. I was unrestrained in my riding of roller coasters and although this was a really stressful time for Nate, it was healing for me and somewhat of a reset. I couldn't believe how much I still loved my man.
Adored him. and we felt like nothing had ever changed. I did a lot of soul searching on this trip and found that I just wanted to trust in God's timing and that we would take a break for the holidays and then maybe reassess in the new year. (Fertility treatments are stressful, expensive, extremely time consuming, and I was considering switching doctors...)
On December 10, I went and played tennis again for the first time since breaking my arm. It was wonderful to get out and play again. I missed it a ton. I definitely was a little rusty, but there's only one way out of rock bottom and that's up! :) On the way home I stopped up and picked up some citrus from my friend's yard. I picked a kumquat right off the tree and ate it. yum. but this time... I thought I was going to throw it up on the spot. weird. and every day through the weekend I started feeling nauseous whenever my tummy was empty. The first few days I shrugged it off but then I told myself that if it persisted I would take a pregnancy test. I hid this from Nate in hopes that he wouldn't overreact and make me test before I was ready, but Monday morning came and I was still nauseous so I took a test.
A plus sign.
Really? No iffy plus sign.... It showed up right away. I was shocked.
I made cinnamon rolls that morning trying to think of a fun way that I could tell Nate. I had never surprised him with the previous pregnancies because in the past he had been the one basically handing me the test. We have and always will do things together as a team. But especially when you're doing fertility treatments, everyone and their dog knows when your cycle is due. So this was a real treat...I went to his office at about lunch time with the cinnamon buns wrapped up all cute, with a little writing on the box. It said...
"These aren't the only buns cooking in my oven."
He didn't get it at first. This may tell you too much about our intimacy but he thought it was some sort of innuendo...;) I said "read it again". He hesitated. He looked down at my tummy and said "This oven???" I think he was afraid to believe it. I was shaking with anxiety. I couldn't believe it either. I pulled out the urine test to show him. We hugged. He cried. We prayed. I still can't believe it.
I called the ob/gyn to find out that their only available time in my window of availability before I left town for Christmas was that afternoon. I rushed back to my doctor's office where they did a precursory ultrasound to find out for sure if the baby was in the uterus. It was! It was there! barely big enough to see a small bean shape. (It's the little dot in the black oval) I was about a week behind what my period said, but that was to be expected considering my irregular periods... I was 5 weeks 5 days... right about the time that I start feeling sick.
Every child that we have has been conceived like this. After lots of trying, medications, methods and the baby decides to make its appearance when we're taking a break or just given up ourselves to God.
Here it is at 10 weeks.
To put it shortly we are thrilled. I spotted a little early on so we were cautious about a lot of things. But I've been extremely nauseous. Every night my mantra has been, I prayed and longed for this. You can do anything for 9 months. One thing I am proud of is how little weight I've gained. Eating high protein and lots of fruit and vegetables first has helped a ton... Even if I do wash that down with a spoonful of peanut butter or a cheese quesadilla.
The kids are so thrilled. They were hesitant at first but they've definitely been asking me about it often. I'm so grateful for them and that I get to share this new journey with them. With all of them.
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